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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158104">Shadows Of Past</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoneedsleepanyway/pseuds/Whoneedsleepanyway'>Whoneedsleepanyway</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Scene, Damnen's scars, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Unresolved Emotional Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:13:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoneedsleepanyway/pseuds/Whoneedsleepanyway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a small scene change from book 3, when Laurent has the mercenaries whipped. While, I know that is an important scene, I wanted to know, wanted to feel what exactly Damen was feeling. While, this may or may not be the way Damen reacted, this scene and this story will special to me. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Damen/Laurent (Captive Prince)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shadows Of Past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>"I've seen what you truly are and I've never turned away." </i><br/>=====</p><p>As everyone in the tent turned, Damen looked around. Everyone had their attention fixed on the people on the whipping post. To show their support, Damen and Laurent had sat there without soldiers on their side. Damen glanced around, no one was watching him. He slowly stood up. </p><p> “Don’t,” Laurent said. </p><p>Damen turned back and tried to catch his gaze when the first sound of whip fell. He shuddered.  Laurent returned his gaze, “There are far too many people. Even if one of them notices your absence, it will be a problem.”</p><p>Damen gulped and sat back. The whipping sound was a constant reminder. His fingers slowly traced a pattern on his shoulder. He tried to look around, tried to look anywhere but the front where they were getting whipped and where there were eager people, relishing this part. </p><p>“You can close your eyes if you want,” Laurent said, “I’ll tell you by the end.”</p><p>Damen looked at him but Laurent had his gaze fixed in front, he was sitting in a lazy sprawl. </p><p> <i> “He belongs here,” Damen thought.</i> Damen closed his eyes but instead of this helping him, it did the opposite. The sound of whipping took him back and it wasn’t the Veretian mercenaries on the post but him. This wasn’t just whipping sound but there were constant whips clashing on his back. It was his hands tied up. There was something in his mouth and he could not feel anything else. He whimpered. </p><p>“It is not real, Damianos, open your eyes,” the voice came but Damen was frozen. There were more lashes now. Again, and again. The pain didn’t seem to stop. He could not free himself. He was taunted and…Someone touched his wrist and he came to face Laurent. Not the one who starred in his gaze, relishing pain from every lash that marked his back. No, this time it was different. Damen forced himself to look around, to see if anyone noticed his…his, he didn’t know how to put it.  The sound was still a constant reminder. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Damen said, “I am going to give you that cuff. Only this will be more publicly than I would have liked.”</p><p>Damen didn’t know why he did that. Why did he tell Laurent about it? Maybe because he knew Laurent would not like it and despite that, he was going to do it and above all, he wanted to warn Laurent. </p><p>“It is the last one,” Damen heard Laurent’s voice. And then the unmistaken fall of the whip. And then nothing. </p><p>Slowly the noise of people faded as well and people turned to face them again. Damen despite everything did register the change in the mood of his people. They wanted this. They didn’t know that they wanted it but they did.  But Damen’s gaze was on the people still limping on the whipping post. He saw soldiers rushing to help them off the post. And briefly, Damen wondered if this was how he had looked. He thought about the people, the soldiers who had witnessed him being whipped, was there any ounce of pity in them or was it just hatred? Even if they pitied him before, he was certain, every one of them glad now. Glad that he had been whipped. Glad, that their Prince-Killer was whipped till death by their Prince. </p><p>His people looked happy. They wanted retribution for what was done to them. And he knew what he was about to now, was going to cheer them further. </p><p>And he forced himself to carry on as he planned. He gave Laurent his cuff. He opened the now-familiar laces and slid the cuff through Laurent’s wrist. A loud cheer of approval roared through. <br/>Soon, Laurent stood up and left. Damen excused himself too. He needed some time alone. To think about everything.  Some time to him but there was something he had to do first. He wasn’t thinking about anything else when he slowly slipped towards Veretian camp and entered the physician’s tent. The moaning of the injured was apparent. He thought he knew what he was going to face here but when he entered the place and was in face with them lying with their back. Their battered, bleeding back. </p><p>He let out a shuddering breath. </p><p>“Exalted,” Paschal turned from cleaning their wounds, “Do you need something?” </p><p>He looked around. There was no one around to help him.</p><p>“I thought you might need a hand,” Damen said. </p><p>Paschal stared at him for a moment before nodding, “I had a couple of people for Guion’s retinue to help but they would have fainted at the sight. And on top of that, they had no idea how I tend them. You at least have a little experience there, Exalted.<br/>I have cleaned some wounds; you can apply some salve on them. I’ll clean the others.”</p><p>Damen nodded.  And slowly walked towards the last cot. These people had killed his people. Had destroyed an entire village and started a war between two nations. He should not be tending to their wounds. He should be out there with his people enjoying, celebrating. But Damen took some salve and slowly applied it on the back. The man was unconscious, just like he was, Damen thought as he softly applied the healing salves. He could not help but note how prominent the marks were. He knew they would scar. He briefly wondered if his back also looked like theirs. He moved from first to second to third, slowly but methodically applying a generous amount of salve. When he was on his fourth patient, Pascal had finished cleaning the wounds of them and turned towards him, “Exalted, I can take it from here, if you want.”</p><p>Damen looked towards the men and declined. He applied the salve, making the man wince. </p><p>“Do you have a family?” Damen softly asked the man.</p><p>The man nodded, “My father and my little brother.” </p><p>“Where do they stay?”</p><p>The man spoke, grunting in pain. Damen tried to talk with him as he applied the soothing balm. He wasn’t sure if it helped or not but Damen liked to think that it did. <br/>When he was done and moved towards his next patient, he saw Laurent standing in the corner. He didn’t meet his gaze but he knew Laurent’s gaze was on him. He continued with his work. His fifth patient followed by the sixth one. Paschal had already tended the others. </p><p>Paschal looked at Damen’s work, “It was almost perfect, Exalted. Would you like anything else?” </p><p>Damen denied. He had thought this would help and it did in some way. He had never taken a look in the mirror but he knew he had scars. Now, he had some vague idea about how they looked. </p><p>“If they make it through the night,” Damen whispered, “Can you please collect their address and give it to me.”</p><p>Paschal nodded. </p><p>Damen took a last look at them and turned to walk out. He thought ignoring Laurent would be easy. But he forgot Laurent had never been easy. Even if he was just standing in the corner with his arms folded. Laurent was never easy. But Damen forced himself to walk. Walkout and he had just crossed the tent when Laurent’s voice rose.</p><p>“Damianos.”</p><p>He turned to take a look at him. He was dressed immaculate as always. Not a hair out of place, not a lace out of place. The wrist that adored the cuff which was open some time ago was tightly tied up as if Laurent was trying to forget its existence. But Damen knew from his personal experience that it wasn’t going to easy to forget or ignore. That cuff had its own weight. </p><p>Laurent walked towards the fort and Damen followed him. </p><p>Damen had been in Veretian fort for a long time now. Even when he was the slave his presence was not unnoticed. An Akielon in Veretian fort was enough to attract all the attention but as a King? Everywhere he went, people looked towards them. They would give him a courtesy bow but he was the topic for their gossip. <br/>He followed Laurent into his chambers. The rooms locked behind them. He faced Laurent. There were no words spoken for a while. </p><p>“Am I to attend you?” Damen asked. </p><p>Laurent pointed him to his bed and Damen gulped, “What are you trying to do, Laurent?” </p><p>Laurent was silent for some time; looking around after a while he spoke, “I am sorry, I didn’t tell you about it before.”</p><p>“There are lots of things you didn’t mention before,” Damen said, “Which of them are we discussing now?” </p><p>“The last one,” Laurent said. </p><p>Damen nodded. </p><p>“Damen,” Laurent said softly, “Please lie on the bed.”</p><p>It was the soft voice that Laurent used that Damen unstrapped his sandals and laid on the bed. </p><p>“On your shoulders,” Laurent’s voice followed and Damen quickly sat. They were not doing that now. The scars on his back were fresh today. They were caused long ago but he felt them today. With each lash on those people, Damen had felt them on his back. It was ridiculous and he hated how it felt. How weak it made him feel. </p><p> “We are not doing this,” Damen said. He quickly stood up; he honestly had no idea what was going to happen on the way here. But this was not what he thought.</p><p>“Damen lie down,” Laurent’s voice broke no question. Damen had an instant reaction to his words. And despite his hesitation, he was on the bed. </p><p>Laurent sat beside Damen, unpinning his Chiton and Damen’s bare back was in front of Laurent. </p><p>Damen was stiff. Laurent touched Damen’s back and Damen flinched. </p><p>He turned and faced Laurent, “Don’t do this.” </p><p>Laurent ignored it and his fingers followed the traces on Damen’s back. Mark after other, scar after scar, some overlapping and some scattered. Damen was tense all the while. </p><p>“Relax,” Laurent whispered, “I am not here to hurt you.”</p><p>Damen closed his eyes but spoke, “What am I here for then?” </p><p>Laurent paused, only for a minute. His finger still on Damen’s back. On his scar. </p><p>“Why did you go to Paschal’s tent?” Laurent asked.</p><p>Damen didn’t open his eyes, “You know why I went.”</p><p>Laurent’s finger started their movement again.</p><p>“How can you still be kind to them? They killed your people.”</p><p>“They were punished for it. They suffered, if we don’t help them now…what is the difference.”</p><p>Laurent took a shuddering breath and bent down to kiss a scar. </p><p>“Laurent,” Damen spoke, his voice rough. </p><p>“It is cruel how much you remind me of him,” Laurent said slowly, his breathing ragged and Damen was convinced that he was controlling his tears.</p><p>“I am sorry, Laurent, I really am,” Damen whispered, opening his eyes. </p><p>“I hate…I hate how I am stuck here. I can’t have him neither I can have you.”</p><p>Damen gulped and tried to sit, but Laurent pushed him back.</p><p>“You can have me, Laurent. You can have me any way you want.”</p><p>Laurent didn’t reply but started applying some oils and salves on Damen’s back. Slowly, taking care with each scar. Damen slowly relaxed, though he still flinched when salve felt too cold on his skin. </p><p>“When…you had me whipped,” Damen gulped, “How many strokes it took before I was unconscious.”</p><p>Damen knew he should avoid that incident. But seeing those people whipped in front of him, seeing them unconscious, clinging to death made him wonder. </p><p>“I don’t remember.”</p><p>Damen nodded though they both knew it was a lie. Damen didn’t press the topic further. </p><p>“It isn’t your fault, you know?” Damen said.</p><p>“What? The scars on your back?” </p><p>“Today,” Damen said without missing a beat, “What you did help me. And thank you for wearing that cuff.”</p><p>Laurent washed his hand on the towels he had kept on the table and laid on the edge of the bed, “I did ask you for it.”</p><p>“And you told me that you would not wear it.”</p><p>Laurent hummed. </p><p>“What happen to your shoulder?” </p><p>“I was wondering when you would ask about it.”</p><p>“I asked about it as soon as I came, you threw me out of your tent. I wasn’t going to risk being thrown out of your chambers as well.”</p><p>“Govart,” was all Laurent said. </p><p>“Is he dead?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Can I massage your shoulder?” </p><p>Laurent turned facing him. Two of them lay there, on the corner of their sides, facing each other. </p><p>He nodded. </p><p>Damen sat up and slowly started to unlace Laurent’s jacket.</p>
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